Feeling: Frazzled. Piano and voice finals tomorrow.
Listening to: Good Charlotte - Say Anything
Reading/Watching: Accompanying Basics, by Joyce Grill. Sounds just thrilling, doesn't it?

I have been writing in my LJ a lot lately because it just feels safer there. I don't know why.

Algebra final today- stupid of me not to do the review. It was the final. Then I wrote my paper for drama, and finished the final in fifteen minutes. Go me.

Navigating the politics of Bri vs. the air force boys is getting more and more difficult. And back when everyone was friends, it used to be funny, during water fights, how I would cower behind a door and squeal, "I'm Switzerland, I'm neutral!" (I still wound up getting squirted. Oh, the irony.) Now they're at war and the Alps are about to get blown to pieces between them.

I cannot be neutral here, because both sides are asking me to declare my allegiance. And this. Is. Impossible. Because technically, I agree with the boys on this particular issue. Bri wanted a guy who didn't want her, and she had difficulty accepting it, and now says she's incapable of just being friends, which is childish, and she's being vindictive and trying to hurt them, which is worse.

But I have been Briana's friend for nearly 2 and a half years. Best friends for almost a year. We've seen so much together. Pretty much everything in my 2 year anniversary entry? She was there for it. *Pivotal* for most of it. I have never sat next to an ambulance gurney holding Geoff's hand and saying fiercely, "You are not going to die." The boys have never hunted through my phone book to find Charlie Brown's number and royally bitch him out simply because I refused to do it (now there's a funny memory). I have never survived a serious argument with any of the boys. I did not cry on Geoff's lap when my book was rejected by the publishers. I have never bought the boys something porcelain just so they could smash it on the sidewalk for therapeutic reasons (it made thousands of pieces). When Harry cheated on me, I did not run to any one of the boys' dorm rooms for sanctuary, like I retreated to her apartment, where I cried and cried and cried.

And yet I find myself trying to negotiate between the two, somehow keep them both. At this point I'm having difficulty remembering why.

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