Feeling: sad
Listening to: Conjure One
Reading/Watching: The Other Boleyn Girl

So we got a call last morning at 6:30, when Satan got the note with Persephone's ring sitting on it. We had to go to work, so we said we'd hang out later.

It was a quiet kind of evening, without the edge of fear I've always had in the past, without his red-rimmed eyes or the listlessness we watch out for and guard against. He didn't sit in pajamas and refuse to eat. Instead, the boys surprised me at the end of my work day, and we ate big unhealthy cheesesteaks and went back to (our) home because no cinemas had movies we could all agree on.

Once home, there was tea and more food and watching The Covenant (which was hrm...), and Lady in the Water (which was huh?). I had today off, and so did Satan, so mon coeur decided he was feeling quite poorly and would need to call in sick. In the middle of Lady in the Water Satan fell asleep, wrapped in blankets on the floor.

While the credits rolled I couldn't stop crying, because unlike times before, this time we really knew it was over. Every one of us. Mon coeur held me and didn't think I was stupid for crying over someone else's breakup. (he just looked so alone on the floor, wrapped in red chenille) And I would trade him five years of my happiness so he could meet the right, the real, the true just one year sooner. Because he deserves that. We all do.

We inflated the Guest Mattress (thank you, Miller) and threw blankets on him and he stayed on the living room floor, because the other apartment has kittens and so much empty air, with Ray in Missouri. I felt guilty, with the luxury of holding the one I love, his crisp hair on my cheek. He read my mind, saying "That's my brother down there," and I cried again.

In the morning, I woke up first (obviously), and headed for the store for eggs. We had bacon and coffee and Belgian waffles, although no one wanted eggs, bananas, or orange juice after all (like so many of my grand gastronomic schemes, half the components were unnecessary). But it was fun, standing around eating waffles off of green wedding gift plates, talking about plans for today. Ray called twice like an anxious parent, and it's funny, seeing how the wagons all circle so tightly, with no real danger in sight.

I tried calling Persephone, first her mother (ring ring) and her sister (rude rude), but I don't think she got the message. So if you're seeing this, honey, please call me and let me know you're okay.

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