Feeling: solitary
Listening to: Ben Lee - Ache for You
Reading/Watching: Jane Austen in Scarsdale, by IForgetWho

Today I had a strong feeling of missing... things.

I don't necessarily miss doing Brigadoon every night, but I do miss talking with Cezanne and Bork in the seams of time between on-stage stuff. The only problem is that I'm utterly lousy about picking up the phone and calling people. I've tried to address this issue, work it out by forcing myself to call people, but I always feel like I have to have a definitive reason for calling, never "just to talk." Because of that, when I do finally call, people assume it's because something is wrong, or I have something specific to say, and then I feel stupid for bugging them just to waffle on about what's happening at my job (waffle really ought to be a verb, I'm telling you).

The other problem is that I blog too much (believe it or not) and all my entertaining stories have been told, so I either don't feel like re-telling them, or my friends have already read about it so I don't need to say it again. (I use up all my positive material in blogs... stop scoffing, I really do try to avoid whining.)

I feel the pressure to be entertaining. I doesn't actually come from the people around me, it's my own personal expectation.

I miss my friends, but I feel I have nothing worthwhile to tell them. Then we get started and I suddenly realize, oh wait, I have plenty to talk about. Life tends to happen around us no matter what we do, and it doesn't always fit into thirty-second sound bites or amusing anecdotes. Sometimes the storytelling can take a while.

So I ask you, my friends, to be patient with me. I am trying. If I call you and I stammer and have awkward silences, just tell me about you. Eventually I'm bound to interrupt you (because I always do) with an interesting thing that happened to me the other day. For me, the effort is in the dialing. It's using an inanimate object to connect with people I love the most, so it should be easy, but it's just not. Forgive me.

I do miss you.

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