Feeling: adult
Listening to: Three Days Grace
Reading/Watching: --

Continuing yesterday's thoughts...

As third child out of four, I didn't grow up with a lot of one-on-one time with both my parents. If both of them were there, usually all my siblings were, too. Not saying I was somehow neglected or anything, but it changes the dynamic when you're part of a crowd as opposed to the sole offspring.

I'm realizing this weekend (as Will and I visit for Monday Thanksgiving: all the sibs are visiting in-laws, and Will has to work on Thursday, so we're doing a funky holiday-switch thing) that there is a vast difference between being around Mommy and Daddy, and being an adult and spending time with Mom and Dad.

For one thing, they only spell the really dirty adult words in front of me now (just kidding).

It's really nice, having a conversation with them both and not being interrupted by someone chiming in (not a rudeness thing; we're just chimers in this family). I like being able to speak with them on an even keel and get to the point where you're no longer catching up, you're just talking. I get to choose the restaurant we go to even when it's not my birthday. When I talk about what I plan to do this week, or this month, or this year, I'm merely telling them, not asking permission. I'm recognized as a mature, fully rational human being, and as such I still get the unsolicited advice, but I get to say "That's nice, but I'm not going to do that."

And when it's just me, instead of all four of us, I get to observe exactly what my parents think about that. If there are other people around, we can deflect onto them, and change the subject, talk to someone else, and not ever acknowledge a disagreement. But when it's just me, it's just me to disagree with.

And there's Will, here with me. I love that he gets to know my parents now, rather than how they were when we were kids. He gets to know comfortable, happy, empty-nest Mom and Dad who have done interesting things around the world and don't clip coupons anymore. He gets to know them as friends, not disciplinarians.

Will and Dad really get along. They have similar senses of humor, similar taste in movies, and that head-on approach to problems (yes, I know, go ahead and get all Freudian on me). After Marie's wedding a few weeks ago, we were driving home and discussing my ridiculously massive family, and Will was tipsy and babbling in the passenger seat. He said he'd known a lot of families, and met a lot of fathers, and this was the first man he could really look up to and respect as a dad.

My mom, who I've been particularly close to ever since I was thirteen and we drove to church choir practice together, doesn't seem to like Will very much.

Maybe it's because he's new. Maybe it's because he's very direct, and doesn't wear a fa�ade to please people. Maybe it's because he's the second guy I've ever officially brought home to meet my parents, and the first was my husband, who she really really liked. It's hard to say, because she's playing it close to the chest. But it bothers me. My parents are people whose opinions I still value and trust. The fact that they diverge on this subject bothers me.

As as adult, I want to talk to her honestly about it, and find out what it is that she dislikes, or mistrusts. As her daughter, I am afraid of the confrontation. I don't know how much she'd really tell me, and how much she'd pretend. It's very difficult to question the actions and decisions of a mother who has set a good example and held true to her own principles my entire life.

But she's not me, and I'm not her. So I'm giving it time, to see if she learns to like him once she knows him better. My ex was an open book, guileless and childish, easy to mother and grateful for the attention. Will is that damaged guy in the armor, who doesn't need a mommy anymore. I like him for the ways that he's different, but it's weird to realize that my mom and I are just going to disagree on this for a while.

It's happened before, I know. We haven't always seen eye to eye. But this guy feels like The Big Deal. It'd be nice if she was on board.

Comments? 0 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.