Feeling: wary
Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Elsewhere
Reading/Watching: The Binding Stone

It has been brought to my attention before that I tend to gravitate towards needy people.

Not so much the overly clingy, co-dependent types, but more those who have a unique, specific quality that makes them a little bit harder to get to know. I believe it's this enigmatic quality that makes me determined to know them. (Plus, I have that stupid desire to "fix" people, but I'm trying to overcome that, since it's not entirely possible.)

I think it's because I'm naturally curious. I'm naturally nosy. Sometimes, if someone resists my casual questions, I get downright invasive. I like to know what makes people tick, and while it's very easy to find with some folks, the distant ones are like a puzzle. A talking puzzle, which has a heartbeat and a soul and an entire world of experience foreign to my own. If it doesn't work out, I'm completely heartbroken. But if it does, the resulting friendship is amazing. And me, I'm stubborn (and crazy) enough to take the risk.

I spent Saturday night talking extensively with a new friend and getting below surface level. And since I doubt he could ever break my heart, I'm looking forward to more conversations, and more chances to understand him.

Now, I just have to watch The Line. The Line between reciprocal friendship, and the kind where I get sucked in, get caught in a cycle of trying too hard and exhausting myself, until I can't remember exactly when I started bending over backward for this person, but somehow it's happening. And instead of things ending in a single moment, they take years, and my heart is broken in crumbles, instead of sliced neatly in two. I used to think it didn't happen that way, but now I'm more wary. (You'd think I'd have caught on the first time something of that nature happened, but no... it took three, four repetitions.)

So I'm exercising caution. This is just my way of recording this resolve, so it can't melt away later.

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