Feeling: overwhelmed
Listening to: Paula Cole - Hush, Hush, Hush
Reading/Watching: wedding invitation shopping. wow, so not as fun as it sounds.

I don't think I'm being melodramatic when I say that this has been one of the most stressful years of my life.

It's been an amazing, wonderful year, with as many miracles as heartbreaks, but overall, there were lots of sleepless nights, lots of anxiety attacks, lots of self-examination and crying jags and minor heart attacks when I checked my bank balance.

The Year, In Review: Best and Worst of 2005

January. Senior recital. Both a best and a worst, because the Before was scary horrible tension practicing two extra hours a day and crying when I couldn't hit the high notes anymore because my voice was breaking. Then the After was pride and glowing and floaty and family thinking I'm all awesome. So yeah, I'll keep that one.

February. Best: First anniversary with mon coeur. Mushiness abounded. Worst: Aforesaid anniversary brought on lots of thought about the religious differences between us, and I flipped out and began questioning our relationship, and he was too confused to argue, so we came within two inches of breaking up (the day after we celebrated the first year and promised many more).

March. Best: Going to San Diego for spring break, and hanging out with Panda, seeing the zoo, the seals at LaJolla, the fun coffee shops, etc. Worst: An ovarian cyst that necessitated the removal of one of my ovaries, and four weeks out of school. Whee.

April. Best: Finishing my thesis. Worst: Missing four weeks of school, sleepless nights writing the thesis, and the air force wanting to send mon coeur to Korea. Bonus Neutral Moment That is Neither Best Nor Worst: Ending the last staggering strains of my half-poisonous friendship with Bri.

May. Best: Graduation. Engagement. Phoenix, AZ. Worst: Unemployment.

June. Best: Wedding planning, back when it still was equated with "squeee!" Worst: Planning for What Do We Do when he left for Korea

July. Best: Finding voice students I really enjoyed, beginning to have confidence in my teaching. Worst: Telling my mom about the plan for a courthouse marriage before Korea. And almost breaking up again, because it was just too much.

August. Best: When he didn't have to go, after all. Worst: Wedding planning insanity, completely drained savings account, and weight loss obsession.

September. Best: Getting a gym membership, and having something I could actually control in my life. Worst: Mon coeur's horrific car accident, resulting in a totaled Chrysler and three fractured ribs (actually happened August 28, but affected the entirety of September).

October. Best: Being hired as a substitute teacher in not one, but two school districts. And finding The Dress. Worst: Satan and Persephone breaking up. Unbelievable amounts of drama.

November. Best: Test driving wedding cakes. Mmmm. Plus having mon coeur move in, and Satan and Persephone re-uniting. Worst: Mom's reaction to mon coeur moving in, and being so completely stressed that my hormones went out of whack and I was a week late, which really helped calm me down, let me just say.

December. Best: One of my voice students getting cast in a musical. She was so thrilled, she called to thank me. So proud of that one. Worst: Realizing that no matter how much weight I've lost (30 pounds), I still cannot quite zip the damn dress past my ribcage. Stupid ribs. And boobs. Wish there was a way to bypass them.

To review, there was never a dull moment. I kind of hate my life for that. Even during the dull moments, I was hyperventilating and thinking I was a failure... because it was dull. This is just not right.

Here's hoping 2006 is a little... quieter. At least beginning in May.

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