Feeling: creeped out
Listening to: Harry Connick Jr.
Reading/Watching: When Harry Met Sally

I've been said to have a pretty active imagination.

As a kid (and sometimes even presently), I had a fear of darkness. I hated being in a room that was utterly pitch black. Once, when I was five or so, I walked into a bedroom at my grandparents' house, looking for something, and an adult turned off the light and shut the door because they didn't see me looking around on the floor.

As soon as the lights went out, I froze, and stayed there, huddled on the floor, looking around desperately for some kind of light. There was a tiny bit leaking around the window curtains, just enough to show me how close I was to Under the Bed, where every sensible child knows that monsters of all horrible description lie in wait for an opportunity like this one. I was so petrified, I started to cry, silently, so that the monsters wouldn't hear. I remember there being a sound like a drumbeat in the room, from my heart thudding in my ears. Finally, after what seemed like hours (but was surely only minutes), my father opened the door looking for me, and I sprang up and ran out of the room.

I still get creeped out sometimes. In utter blackness, or with just a sliver of light (enough to show how much you can't see), I can't seem to close my eyes, and I have to stare anxiously at every corner to make sure that there's nothing there. Even when I see nothing, I still don't trust my own eyes.

Last night, I was doing laundry at Bri's (alone, since she's out staying with her parents after the surgery), and it took so long that I finally decided to crash there around 4 a.m. I pulled a blanket over me, lay down on her bed, and tried to sleep.

You know those strange scalp prickles you get when you're afraid, but don't really know why? You know when you're alone, but have a strong conviction that there's something in a room with you? It's sudden, powerful, and you can scarcely breathe until it passes. I would close my eyes, try to breathe deeply, pray for peaceful sleep, and then suddenly just know that something was circling the bed- I could sense it, coming close on my right side, until a chill gripped me and I felt as if something was pressing down on my chest. Like something was there, having fun at my expense. After a few minutes it eased, but would come back perhaps a quarter of an hour later.

Took me a long time to get to sleep, and I woke uneasily at ten a.m. I don't think I'm going to stay there alone anymore.

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