Feeling: divided
Listening to: Mike Doughty - Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well
Reading/Watching: Eclipse, again

I finally got a chance to try out for The Sound of Music, after missing the audition on Sunday.

First I was supposed to drop by the Thursday before, then the Friday, then possibly Labor Day, then maybe Tuesday... in aggravation, I called the artistic director for the theater and the music director for the show, and begged them both to give me a chance.

Tonight, I showed up when they were there to hear callbacks for Maria. I sang my little snippet of "Til There Was You" from The Music Man, and the director asked if I had anything from the show itself.

So I sang "The Sound of Music." And he asked if I had "Climb Ev'ry Mountain." So I sang that, too.

Then he asked if I could stick around and read for the callbacks.

This is the first time I've ever been called back. For anything. Ever. I was so nervous, the script was visibly shaking in my hand, and I had to put in "dramatic pauses" to hold still and read the script.

Friends were very encouraging, saying I had a good shot, asking who else was there, discounting the competition, etc etc.

I desperately wanted to call Bork and tell him all about it, but once again, I can't. Because my not-yet-ex-husband has resumed harassing him and his family, so Bork won't speak to me until the divorce is completely finalized. I don't even think it was his choice, I'm fairly certain he did it to keep his mother safe, since she lives here in town.

But one way or another, I couldn't call him. I even deleted his number from my phone to remove the temptation, because I want to respect his decision.

And it stings. Such a big, exciting moment. And I can't share it with my best friend, who happens to be completely mad about theater, who I met while doing a community theater musical back in November 2005. Honestly, there are times I wonder if our friendship is going to survive this at all, between all the drama and the distance. Once I'm finally free, he may no longer want to come back. I've become a minefield: what seems like a nice quiet walk could blow you to bits at any moment.

I am excited about the callback, even though I still don't honestly believe I have a snowball's chance in hell at a romantic lead. Look at me; five foot ten and built like a German tank is not exactly romantic. But part of me is pissed that my life and relationships are still on hold over this bullshit. I've been ready for it to be over for a while, now. I just wish I knew what it was going to take.

...and I just got a call from the stage manager. Definitely not Maria, but still one of the nuns. Rehearsals begin June 8.

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