Feeling: anxious
Listening to: Poe - Amazed
Reading/Watching: Knocked Up, unrated version

There is a new teacher in the same portion of the school building as me, teaching a technology class. She's about my age, plus a few years, she's alternative certification, she grew up in a heavy-minority area (meaning, she was the minority, like me), she's funny, she's brash, she's paler than me.

One day I walked by her classroom and saw her sitting in front of an open computer tower, the faceplate in her lap, grumbling and cleaning out the years of dust trapped in there. I paused to chat, to find out more about her, and it turned into a conversation that lasted for over an hour, until my massively heavy bag of take-home work began to attempt to amputate my arm at the shoulder.

I started with the standard line, "Well, I know exactly what you're about to go through, and I'm right down the hall. So if you need anything, just holler."

I told her about my year last year. I told her about my determination to make it better. I told her she could expect and prepare and anticipate all she wanted, but the kids would still shock the hell out of her. And then they'd piss her off. And then they'd be awesome. And then they'd make her laugh. And then she'd be in love. I gave her the skinny on which teachers to call on in a pinch, which ones to look to as a good example of how to treat the students, and which ones to ask for help when it's Sunday at 9 p.m. and she has no idea what to do Monday morning.

Now, I think we're going to be friends. It's a bit surreal, as if I'm befriending myself. Of course, in order for it to be truly like me, she'd have to quit, and I'd have to befriend the woman who took over for her in October. But still... it's nice to be in the position of knowing, for a change. It's nice to have someone ask a question, and actually have the answer.

This year will be better. It will. It has to be. No matter what my subconscious tells me, what my fear and anxiety whispers at night while I'm sleeping. It will be better this time around.

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