Feeling: hopeful
Listening to: --
Reading/Watching: Thumbsucker

My little brother, Puppy, is having a baby. He got married a year and a half ago, and his wife is pregnant. They just told me today that it's going to be a boy. They have a name picked out, and everything.

And I'm jealous.

There are so many things to finish first, for me. I need to finish school, I need to settle my finances, I need to be sure that I have the right guy (although I'm pretty sure, the vicious little voice in the back of my mind says I've been sure before, and look what happened). There are so many uncontrollable variables, and while people say there's no perfect time, surely it's supposed to be a better time than this, right?

But now my twenty-four year old brother is going to be a father, and I've got my list of nine possible baby names, sitting and waiting.

Waiting. Waiting for nothing else, at this point, but to be sure that I've got the right guy. Everything else is kinda going to fall apart or fall away, anyway, so that should be most important. He's my partner in crime, after all, so I should be sure that he's going to hold up his end.

But it's hard. A lot of pieces have clicked in to place after a lot of waiting, and my instinct says to jump. To go for it.

I'm really, really happy. I really want to jump. But I don't want to fall again without someone to catch me.

Comments? 0 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.