Feeling: stagnant
Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Plenty
Reading/Watching: nothing. That is why I wrote this.

I think a permit should have to be given for a person to keep an online diary.

In the application forms, one must enter in the prospective username. Application is immediately revoked if the name contains "babygirl" (or any punk-rawk misspelling of the word "girl"). Application must be submitted for special review if username contains '69' or random decorative 'x's and 'o's. A space will be provided for the author to explain the necessity of such extraneous characters.

There will be a page to list all instances of previous blogging, complete with references. (Please, no personal references: list only complete strangers who don't give a shit about you and enjoy prying into your life purely for their own enjoyment.)

One must list one's complete grammatical history, if applicable: any instances of language abuse, be they punctuation, grammar, spelling, or excessive slang, that have been committed in the past five years must be reported. A space will be provided for explanation. (Commission of gangsta-slang offense does not immediately disqualify applicant for blogification. But application will be used as a diaper liner for diarrhetic toddlers while in processing.)

All mentions of "omg" or "wtf" (and particularly "liekomgwtf") that are not used with a sense of irony will result in immediate expulsion from the blogging community as a whole. And possibly public excoriation by trolling.

Then, one must explain his or her interest in keeping an online journal. Possible subject matter should be listed in alphabetical order, and a box will be checked to select whether the journal shall be "comedic," "dramatic/therapeutic," or "schizophrenic" (the neopolitan of journal types). A minimum of at least four different subjects must be rotated on a regular basis, to prevent topic stagnation and maintain reader satisfaction.

(...Very soon, they will find me and revoke my journal license.)

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