Feeling: powerful
Listening to: Poe - Beautiful Girl
Reading/Watching: Paper Heart, halfway through on the DVD player

I'm not going to pine over him anymore.

I have better things to do with my life, and once I finish all those other things, he'll probably still be there to pine over later. I can put that off for a more convenient time. Either he'll come to his senses, or I'll come to mine. Whichever happens first is fine with me.

Friendship seems to be a more healthy choice, anyway. We talk a lot more openly, and I can call him an idiot and not worry about if it's going to bother him, because if it did, he'd tell me. (It doesn't. He laughs.)

If anything, Sandman's more conflicted than I am these days, swinging back and forth between being absent and distant, and wanting to hang out all the time, shy and eager and randomly touching my knee. We still have fun. I'm just choosing not to pine.

I choose to welcome Lala into Schoolville for the weekend, yay! I choose to eat good cheap mexican food and go dancing at my favorite club on a Thursday night. I choose to dance with a very cute guy in the middle of the dance floor, and the only contact that I allow is with our eyes. When he steps forward, I step back.

I choose to hug every friend I see, and not let any guy rest his hand on the small of my back for too long. I choose to wear heels and laugh and stay out too late. I choose to give my phone number to the guy on the dance floor when he asks for it... but only once he asks.

I choose to show up to work tired but happy, go over the Pre-UIL contest scores with my girls (surprisingly good ones, too), and then give them free time so I can write e-mails to friends. They need to decompress, anyway, since Monday we're diving right back in for the final contest in a month.

I choose to listen to my voicemail three times when the guy from the club calls. He has a deep voice.

I choose to bomb out of here on a Friday afternoon and drive to Sistertown with Lala for the Tegan and Sara concert.

I choose to live. Sandman can watch, or join in. But I'm busy right now.

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