Feeling: abandoned
Listening to: Sigur Ros - Gong
Reading/Watching: supposed to be reading for my Vocal Education Methods class, but... no.

It's long nights like this one, with mon coeur at work until morning, the air conditioning sputtering on its last legs, and Allegra barking at stray cats through the open windows, that I stay up thinking about people from the past, and what happened to them after they drifted out of my life.

I wonder what Bri is up to. I hear she's getting married.

I saw Charlie Brown's picture on Facebook and had about three heart attacks. And then I felt really, really stupid.

I think I found Tiger again. I hope I have. I miss him, in ways I doubt he'd believe.

And then there's Bork. We had a falling out, somewhere between losing our close connection once he left town to finish college, and finding out he'd lied to me about, oh, just about everything ever.

I hate him. I miss him. I hate him. And I love him. It's very noisy in this brain tonight.

Mostly I'm contemplating the fact that mon coeur will be switching to night shifts permanently now, in order to have more time to do schoolwork during the long wee hours, and for the nice little pay bonus. It all makes sense, with earnest money put down on a house, future mortgages to think of, and the fact that we would eventually like to have kids and possibly live off of one income for a while.

(side note: good GOD, I'm such a grown-up. When did that happen?)

But these nights are lonely, without his big, warm, hairy mass trying to smother me in cuddles. I miss being asphyxiated in affection. I can always call him (he's rarely busy), but it's not the same without the bend of his shoulder to rest my head on.

And now I have many more of those to look forward to. Somewhere along the way, I will look back and remember this as being that tough time I just had to survive. That time where we never saw each other, and struggled, but somehow made the marriage survive until we could be on the same timeframe again.

But at least he's fighting with me now. That's something massively better than past alternatives.

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