Feeling: subdued
Listening to: TV
Reading/Watching: Juno

It's been a tumultuous few months.

I made some big, hairy, massive mistakes. I thought I fell out of love. I thought I stumbled into it. I fought like hell to step, solidly, back in and stay there. And I had my heart crushed, and stepped on, and scraped off onto a curb, and then scooped into the dustbin. I lost a best friend. I nearly lost two.

And here I am. Fighting like hell, to stay in the place that I chose. Fighting like hell to keep the one that I belong to. Fighting like hell not to give in and spend my days curled up on the floor, waiting for the ceiling to collapse on me. (it's very tempting.)

But as always, in life you get two choices. You either choose to live, or you choose to die. The rest is details.

I chose against dying a while back, so... here goes the living through it.

I may not be much fun for a while. But I have my teaching, and the house we're in the process of building (or rather, watching while other people build), and the rickety stripped-down frame of my pride which just isn't willing to collapse in front of everyone. Because it's just not what people do, you know? Breakdowns are so undignified.

So this is it. Day 1 of Non-Breakdown.

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