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Know what I don't like?

The contrast between how people act when they're comfortably soused and sober. It's jarring for those of us who don't alter our behavior much from one extreme to the other.

Friday night was so much fun because I was able to stop being intimidated by those people. I could be me and they liked it. Everyone was loose and happy and conversation flowed, and when it didn't it was fine.

I just assumed that kind of closeness meant we'd reached a new level of friendship, not a new level of intoxication. And as far as the girls were concerned, we did keep the camaraderie. But the guy who was so nice to me, Antipholus- the one who rubbed my shoulders and listened when I talked and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me...

Last night after the show three of us went back to the party-house and had a quiet evening with Jack in the Box and "Dude Where's My Car." Me, Louie, and Antipholus. It was supposed to be more people, but I guess each of them changed their minds.

I was actually kinda happy with this setup, because it meant more chance to get to know Antipholus. But things were so quiet. I've never been good at initiating quality conversation (though I'm very good at upholding it), and he wandered from group to group Friday night because he was more interested in hearing what other people had to say.

And once again I got the impression that he thinks I'm a nice kid, but that he's humoring me in the name of being a good guy. He's chivalrous (door opener and all), but sometimes I wonder whether it's so he can say he's chivalrous, or because he actually cares. (Charlie Brown was like that... God I hate having him undermine everything I feel these days.)

He had a girl's name written on the back of his hand. Someone from work? I don't know. He still intimidates me somewhat- makes me feel so young and foolish.

I think he would have preferred spending the evening with other people. And it makes it much easier for me to keep to my "no guys" resolve.

Guys suck. Not just boys. All guys.

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