Feeling: buoyant
Listening to: Travis - Writing to Reach You
Reading/Watching: "Islam Today" by Akbar S. Ahmed

I'm in an odd/happy mood today, so if I pounce on you uttering strange nonsense details about my life, just nod and smile.

So far three people have done so, and then hurriedly ended conversations with me as quickly as possible. But who wouldn't be fascinated, learning such amazing things about the new fluorescent lights in the stairwells that make my dorm closely resemble a scene out of The Green Mile, or that I have "Pollywolly Doodle" stuck in my head, or that I have a bug bite on the very tip of my nose that makes me closely resemble a certain Christmas reindeer?

I'm not sure why, but a crush faded today. It was nothing in particular that the person did--rather what he failed to do. I realized I couldn't truly see myself with him, not for very long anyway. We make very little sense as a couple, and there's no point in crushing on someone that you couldn't picture introducing as your boyfriend.

Plus, it's much easier on me if I'm not lingering over an unrequited preoccupation. If he isn't going to think of me (and he isn't, that much is abundantly clear), then I'd rather stop thinking of him as quickly as possible. Friendship is plenty.

And the best part? I'm not lying to myself. I used to do that, try to convince myself that I didn't feel this or that emotion for this or that guy, and it always backfired, because by repressing it, it would come back doubly strong the next time the guy did something cute. But today, the guy did something cute, as always, and I just thought, "hm. I should probably get to class" instead of "Oh God, that was so adorable! I just want to kiss him rightthisverysecond; I wish he didn't like (insert name of some other girl who is shorter, thinner, and prettier than me). I hope he can't tell what I'm thinking. I should pretend to be busy doing something else now."

Hah. That little epiphany automatically makes today a good day.

Comments? 1 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.