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Okay, brief, colorless update for those who care:

Dad is being suddenly generous (in a non-mushy, matter of fact way) about graduation gifts, which is slightly unbalancing, since I'm used to him obsessing about money. I want to accept his generosity and just believe it's because he will miss me when I'm gone and wants me to think well of him. I think he always knew that my teenage rebellion, while quiet and inward, is no less present and definitely more determined and possibly divisive if he pushes it. So maybe he's trying to make peace? But I worry that the first time I do something he doesn't like he'll use this current generosity for leverage somehow, which proves how messed up and cynical I am. Even though it's probably true.

The car is still not fixed. It's a disaster, I'm pretty much grounded b/c I can't go anywhere without my mom driving me and she never will.

I had a fight with my best friend. I've known him since we were five, we've never fought before, and now all of a sudden, ::bam::. He was being egotistical and I called him on it (kinda rudely- tried to deflate his ego but I pushed it too far) and now he won't talk to me and I'm not quite sure what to do. It's making things seem distorted- like a weird part of my existence that I took for granted but needed for equilibrium is missing.

Mom took me out to buy the last of the supplies I'll need for my dorm room, and exhaust any need I have for new clothes. My feet hurt. I had a frantic moment where I lost the spiral notebook in which I wrote the shopping list (which incidentally contained ALL my webpage passwords, not to mention my mailing list of possible publishers). Left it on a sale rack. They had it behind the counter. Gigantic sigh of relief.

My brother was talking to me in my room, kinda playfully tossing stuff at me, and wound up hitting me full on the ear with a book. It really hurt, and I growled at him for a minute then looked down and suddenly I started crying and it had nothing to do with the damn book.

I think I acted like an ass to my best friend. I should apologize, but I don't want to apologize if he's not going to apologize, too, because he was also acting like an ass. It was a moment of mutual ass-ness. Wish there were a way to solve this easily.

All donations to help Megsy pay for therapy can be forwarded to the Boinked-Up People Foundation.

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