Feeling: trapped
Listening to: --
Reading/Watching: A Christmas Carol, DVD extras

The difficult conversations continue, although the new year marks change.

I met my husband on September 29, 2002. I began dating him on February 14, 2004. I agreed to marry him on May 16, 2005. And I walked down the aisle on April 29, 2006.

These were all decisions I put some thought into. I will put the same amount of thought into the decision we are weighing now. But it's frightening. This marriage is like a very small room, and lately I'm seeking excuses to get out of the apartment, just so I can breathe. I'm hoping the counseling will help, one way or another. I'm praying it will help. I'm trying; I'm trying so hard to work this out, but I think this just isn't something we can diagnose on our own. Please pray with me, if you can. If you do.

But times like this really help me know who my friends are. I have so many people at my back, it's ridiculous. They can't fix this for me, they can't talk me back into the feelings that I've lost, but they've offered hugs and tears and places to stay, and even though we're nowhere near that extreme yet, it still helps.

I doubt my family will be as supportive. And that's a difficult thing to contemplate. But sometimes the people you love most are the people you hurt the most, I guess.

This... is going to have to get so much worse before it gets any better.

...this is my first diary entry of 2009. Please God, don't let them all be like this.

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