Feeling: replete
Listening to: Queens of the Stone Age - Ode to Clarissa
Reading/Watching: Vanished Moon

This was a very odd day.

A day in which *Mini-Me said "You've got everything so figured out. Every time I talk to you I feel better." And I wanted to laugh at her, but didn't. She said it with such conviction in her eyes, it made me want to prove her right.

A day in which I got up to perform my German song (for the initiated, Gretchen am Spinnrade) and had to ad-lib auf deutsche through the last verse, inventing "Gerberish" phrases while the audience nodded, and afterward someone came up to me and said, "You did so well with your words, I never know how you remember it all."

A day in which someone saw me reading a Dragonlance novel and said, "I didn't know you were into that Anne Rice stuff." (yes, Nimsay, I almost died, suffocating on those stifled giggles)

A day in which a certain three-foot-six blonde appeared at my door, armed with soda and pizza, wanting to watch the Gilmore Girls season premiere, with a kind of expression I've not seen often in her eyes.

Odder still? I opened the door.

We watched, and laughed, chattered about how Luke and Lorelai were definitely getting together in this season... and then. The quiet became talking. The real kind.

There were some things she didn't want to discuss, but I told her the thing about fighting or fixing silence. How it never works. Also mentioned the thing about, "If it's going to hurt me, say it faster." And I did the same thing, told her things that I knew would hurt her. And she still kept apologizing.

She just left, five hours later. I won't say things are perfect. I won't say it's all better. It will never be all better. It will never be as it was. It will never be the childlike trust and idolatry.

But it is no longer severed. It is no longer hurting. It is not a wound, but a scar. And even though it seemed impossible, she has changed. Her eyes are different. She said the worst moment was the one when she realized that after I left, I wasn't coming back.

She didn't even get that e-mail I worked on for hours. (Can you believe that, Lindsy? After I made you stay up all night talking me back into sanity...) But she still called me once or twice a week, even though I never answered or called back. Wasn't sure I'd speak to her again, but she kept trying.

She left with a hug, a smile, and before driving home, promised me a new Poe CD.

I don't know how this is going to be, but I know this: I am more peaceful at this moment than I have been in a long while.

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