Feeling: random
Listening to: Conjure One - Center of the Sun
Reading/Watching: Prozac Nation

My dreams are getting unbelievably odd and unpleasantly vivid lately.

I think it's a combination of factors, such as the money issue (going to Missouri and canceling half of my voice lessons for the week was painful for my checking account), the job issue (I am still bored and antsy whenever I am not teaching), and the wedding-planning issue, all in one big pile of should-be-fun-but-it-isn't, like freezer-burned ice cream.

As a result, two nights ago I dreamed that mon coeur had died. I didn't see him die, I didn't know how he died (although I knew it was sudden, something unnatural), but I was just there with two of the air force boys, and they were completely nonchalant that yes, he's gone, oh well, and my dreaming self was completely flipping out. I tried to scream at them, but nothing would come out, so naturally when I brought my singer-muscles into play and wound up to really bellow, I woke myself up (as I tend to do).

And there was my boy, all sweet and sleeping and perfectly alive, so I pounced on him, hugging and kissing and crying, and woke him up, because I'm crazy like that. Then I couldn't get back to sleep for about two hours.

A day goes by where I'm kinda sore and rattled by the dream (which keeps replaying in my head). Then, Bear tells me she got the job she wanted, and she's going to be living in California for the next year. She feels guilty, because she's my maid of honor and now she'll be missing out on a lot of the planning and shopping, but I'm more upset because she's my sister and she's awesome and visiting her always settles my head a little, and if I want to run away from home and go visit her, I can't.

Mon coeur pointed out that I have issues with distance. Regardless of how often I'm used to seeing someone or how much I really need them on a regular basis, I hate when they move further away, because I lose the option of seeing them. It doesn't make a lot of sense, except to my panic-reflex.

As a result of this news, last night I went to sleep and dreamt something completely different.

This time, I was with a bunch of people from school, and we were in a space rocket the size of a utility closet, on our way to defend the galaxy from some evil woman's nefarious plan of galactic destruction. I even had the science bit of our plan all down: we were going to circle around her spaceship, creating a heat pocket from our engines, then make her maneuver onto the heat pocket, which would react with her heat-propulsion-flare and jettison her into deep space, never to be heard from again.

Because, you know, she didn't have her own engines with which to come back or anything. But dream people are never really concerned with holes in the logic.

And then suddenly the space rocket was a house, and I was staying with these people as a guest, and they just wanted me to stay out of this one room, and one night I needed to pee and stumbled into it on accident and Uncovered a Mystery (I remember my sleeping self saying, "I think I've seen the trailer for this movie") of a missing family who were actually Murdered by my Friend who Buried them in the Back Yard and Stole their House, oh noes! And I stood in the dark, Forbidden Room of the house, trying to see, so of course I'm trying to open my eyes, but they won't open, and when I shake myself to gather the energy to open them, they actually open and I'm in the boring stress-and-money-and-moving-away-type-people world again.

Long story short(er), if I keep having dreams like this, mon coeur will have me committed. I might not even argue with him too much.

And now I'm ending this entry, because my green tea is tasting weird, and I need to go throw it out and make a different kind. It's "green tea flavored with orange, passionfruit and jasmine," but it tastes like "green tea boiled with shrimp." And hello, tea should not taste like shrimp.

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