Feeling: daring
Listening to: Poe - 5 1/2 Minute Hallway
Reading/Watching: Cube Route

I am a fan of today. I want to remember it for a while.

"And joy comes well in such a needy time..." (I wish that were my line, but it's Juliet's, right before I drop the bomb on her: you have to marry Paris.)

There has been a wealth of negative events lately, from several different directions, so I am happy to report that today had no such unpleasant tidings.

It began with sleeping in, and eating Corn Pops in bed while watching "Grey's Anatomy" (although, since it's a show about doctors and sick people, I decided to be healthy and throw in an apple as a part of my balanced breakfast).

Then, I geared up to do laundry, tidied the room (you have no idea how much relief the act of tidying gives me), got distracted by mon coeur coming home for lunch (the good kind of distracted), and then went to have a "Gilmore Girls" day with Yasmin.

Then, it was dinner with the husband at the Japanese restaurant that I prefer (it's further away and more expensive, but my first time there was our first "official" date), followed by driving up north to visit with Lynne. And, I think we'll be going to RenFest the same day next weekend, which makes me all a-squee.

Then we sat around in one of the little cute/old/touristy towns in central Texas, sampling wine and ordering the largest plate of cheese fries known to man (I swear to God, six potatoes, a bushel of jalapenos, and a cubic foot of three different cheeses went into it). We took half of it home. But only half, because seriously, I dare you to say no to those cheese fries.

Something girls will appreciate: when Lynne and I needed to discuss things in the Manner of Women, instead of Women in the Presence of Men, I unsubtly asked mon coeur to go next door and buy me some chocolate-covered-almonds, allegedly because they are my weakness and I could smell them from the porch. Naturally he saw through me, but he left, grinning. He came back with a POUND of the things, along with a pound of those homemade caramel-pecan turtles. This is definitely why we are soulmates: that, and the fact that we stuck the lot of it in the freezer when we got home, so we didn't swoop on it like vultures over the next few days.

We also got a hold of that fantastic coffee-pecan-flavored wine he fell in love with while we were on our honeymoon (it's not a big enough brand for local places to carry it, this was the closest store). We now have not one, not two, but THREE bottles of it. It is ridiculous. But my boy is happy, so that's good. If people will deign to come visit, we will crack open a bottle and share. Might even pitch in a chocolate-covered-confectionery or two.

On the way home, thoroughly wined and dined, I sang my sugar-and-cheese-coated lungs out to No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, and started thinking about how, if I could, I would love to sing that somewhere, someday. In front of an audience. And my crazy husband says that's okay with him. It's okay if I continue to take time off work to sing and act in silly community theater productions, because I can now, again. This is not a luxury to which I am accustomed, since there have always been hurdles--school and jobs and more jobs and more school. My parents always said "Remember that school comes first. Remember that you have to earn a living. Remember that you have to be practical, keep your head on straight, be realistic... etc." Not the most encouraging speech to a younger, much shyer, much humbler, much homelier Katie. I mean, I've loved musical theater since age 12 (ahh, how I dreamed of being Griselda the Glamour Cat), but it was one of those "yeah, I'd love to wake up gorgeous and thin and become an international rock star, too" type dreams. It was never something that would actually happen.

I'm not making plans for wild success, because twelve years of "be practical" isn't something I can shrug off (mostly because, as I've said before, I don't have the foolhardy self-esteem to just dive right in). I'll never be a lead in a production (not until they write a musical for a tall chubby woman who can't dance worth crap), but who knows? I could be some very interesting side characters.

And I've decided maybe it's time to start giving myself more chances than I think I deserve. I'm quite the master at undermining myself, at keeping safe and staying in a corner, always looking out so I can see every direction I could go, instead of taking a step and risking that it be a wrong one. So maybe if I take what feels like one step too far, it will be just right.

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