Feeling:
Listening to:
Reading/Watching:

Sometimes life is more fun if you walk through it with fuzzy vision.

It rained last night, and I couldn't see a thing once my glasses were pretty well peppered with droplets. So I took them off and put them in my coat pocket, since I hadn't an umbrella. It turned every sharp angle and curve into a Monet painting.

I remember the first time I put on glasses- everything looked like those Colorforms I played with as a kid, as if every person was cut out and pasted on the backdrop, their outlines were so clear and distinct. Before, my eyes melded them together like oils. I almost didn't like the clearer vision, because everything looked jagged, harder.

At times I take my glasses off on purpose, taking comfort in how the streetlamps become squares of light, bleeding into the night. How everyone becomes a faceless figure until they're within ten feet of me. It's like I'm walking through a painting.

I went to see a Sartre play that my friends were in, and waiting in line to be admitted, I saw Poetry boy talking intimately with some Little Cutie girl (as allll my crushes seem to be into), waiting a few spaces behind me. When we finally caught each other's eye, he nodded and gave me a smile, then turned back to his friends. It was like putting on glasses for the first time, seeing things clearly, instead of how I wanted to see them.

At times, I infinitely prefer ignorance to hard truth. It was so much more fun to torment myself with wondering, to pretend I knew, to script myself into an eventual happy ending. Even though it couldn't have gone on forever, it's so much better than when everything's clear and angrily real.

That's why, walking home, I preferred swirly blindness. Then I could wall off the rest of the world behind a nice fog of myopia and figure as long as I couldn't recognize anyone, no one would notice me or entice me into making small talk.

I might still stick to my resolve of telling him I have a crush on him, just to make things final. After all, I definitely know I have nothing to lose.

How many times have I said it? You can't lose what you never had.

Comments? 0 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.