Feeling: amused
Listening to: Vertical Horizon - Goodnight My Friend
Reading/Watching: Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire

I am not dead. I am busy, and boring, but not dead.

So I get to spend Thanksgiving with my family, but I am not so sure about Christmas Eve. Sadness. Retail jobs kinda suck that way.

I abused the hell out of my employee discount yesterday (saved over $200), and bought Christmas presents for everyone except my younger brother and his girlfriend, and my sister's boyfriend. And Bork. Not sure what to give him.

Today, a man came into the store who was clearly... um, special. There are multiple reasons I had for coming to this conclusion, but all of them sound cruel, so I will not list them. But my impression was sealed when he brought several books up to the counter and asked me to put them on hold, and when I handed him a hold slip and told him to put his name on the top, he took five minutes to write three squiggly letters, before I smiled and offered to help him, and he passed it over with some relief.

Then, I took a gander at the books he was asking me to put on hold. And... they were from the erotica section. It looked like a couple of art books, the covers festooned with man parts. I was torn between horror and hilarity, because these were some wonder-schlongs, in all their glory on a glossy dust jacket. One of my coworkers walked over, glanced over my shoulder, and after a pregnant pause, she said, "Wow. Now that would hurt."

I put the books on hold, and several minutes later, the man came back, holding a small booklet, and I reached out, thinking he wanted to put something else on hold.

Instead, he said he didn't understand what the book was about, and asked me to explain to him.

You know those books of coupons you give to friends and family? For instance, for Mother's Day you give your mom coupons for "You take a bubble bath while I wash the dishes" or whatever, and she cashes them in whenever she likes. Well, this was a book of coupons.

A book of coupons for "Hot Gay Sex."

And he wanted me to explain how the book worked.

I think I stammered out something similar to the Mother's Day analogy, and he said, "So I give this to my mother?" and I nearly died that very second.

Instead, I said, "Well no, this is for a different type of person... er, would you like me to put this on hold, too?"

He nodded and smiled, and I gratefully put it with the other two books, which were tastefully laid face down, in the corner of the shelf, behind a very large world atlas.

Then, I just wanted to wash my hands.

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