Feeling: deflated
Listening to: Chet Atkins - Malaguena
Reading/Watching: homework

Tonight was our first tech rehearsal. I showed up ten minutes early to do my hair and put on makeup.

We waited forty minutes for Iago to show. He didn't.

Then we spent another hour discussing what we were going to do. Ideas were suggested, discarded. The director had tears in her eyes, talking about how difficult it is to keep things together when people just don't care, and Mini-Me and I welled up in sympathy.

We are going to postpone opening night for a month. We will find a new Iago. The director is calling every contact she's ever had to find someone to fill in.

Mini-Me and I headed over to Miller's dorm room, to try and sweet-talk him into taking over the role (since he was the director's first choice for Iago and turned it down), but no luck. All the feminine wiles and eyelash-fluttering (and trust me, Mini-Me can do some damn fine eyelash work) was to no avail. Miller is too busy, he says, and I will not torment him with guilt trips when I know what an undertaking this thing is going to be.

After we dropped off Mini-Me at her dorm and Miller was taking me to my car, we were on light subjects, joking about how one of the women in the cast speaks her Shakespeare like Mammy from Gone With the Wind, and I was laughing, and it was weird how quickly my giggles flipped over into tears.

Side note: it is still embarrassing to cry in front of Miller. I'm not sure why, since we've been friends for almost two years, but eh bien. It's like losing my composure in front of my father. I hate to do it, and when it happens it is utterly humiliating and I try frantically to stop. No offense, of course, Miller. I just usually save my tears for my girl friends.

There is no time to be scared right now. No time to be defeated. The way the entire cast banded together to find a solution to this problem gives me so much hope. Already, we're such a unit.

But I am still crying. There is still that sliver of chance that we won't find anyone, and all our work will just fizzle. It is already breaking my heart.

I could cheerfully murder Iago right about now.

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