Feeling: Far away. Five phone messages in 24 hours. I am loved.
Listening to: last bits of E.R. on TV
Reading/Watching: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I have nothing to say tonight, so I was reading responses to my journal survey, and decided to answer all the questions listed under the "If you could ask me any question, what would it be?" query.

Disclaimer: These are quoted verbatim, so don't eat me if there are grammatical mistakes or embarrassing superlatives.

Question: Emmm.... What is it like to sing in front of people. I dont think that i have much of a voice, and I have trouble even speaking in front of people, so i just wondered how nerve racking it really is.

Answer: It used to scare the crap out of me. Stomach flipping, knees shaking, throat knotting, pulse pounding from head to toe, the whole panic attack thing. I learned to tell myself "In five minutes this will be over" and that way, immediately after I finish singing, my face flushes and I get the shakes. I'm hoping to eventually get rid of the post-panic attacks, too. Plus if you get positive responses every time you make it through without stage fright, it makes it easier to battle it down until afterward. (Oh, and that picture-them-in-underwear thing never works. Especially if you're singing for your grandparents. Ew.)

Q: How do you manage to be so goddamn funny in every entry?!

A: Am I? I thought it was neuroses. ::blush:: Thanks. I know I can find something funny in daily occurrences, but then I'm easily amused.

Q: How did you end up with a 200-year-old demon for a teacher?

A: Apparently she owns the art department, or something, and I needed to take "Intro to Art" for my music major. I don't know. You can never go to anything arty on campus without her being there, smiling craggily and looking around with her fishy eyes. Ick. At least the class is over now. (and apparently she gave me an A. very strange.)

Q: Why are you asking this?

A: Because it is all part of my evil plan.

Q: How do you maintain such a fabulous personality? I aspire to be so optimistic...

A: It's because I lived most of my life in my parents' protective bubble, so I'm still na�ve enough to hope for the best. I'm sure life will beat it out of me eventually. In the meantime, it's just easier to get up in the morning when I believe I have an actual reason to do so.

Q: Why do you keep a journal?

A: Because I'm rather narcissistic and like to go back and re-read the things I said and thought. Reminds me when I've gone through the same problems before, and how I worked it out last time.

Q: What makes you unique and be able to write about what you feel?

A: What do you other people write about? Everything else is boring as hell. Daily details have always been stultifying for me. I tend to overanalyze everything, and the best way to do that is to get all emotional and talk it to death.

Q: i don't know, was the man in your entry about guilt/pity your father? I'm so very sorry if that seems to personal, but it's all i could think of.

A: It's okay, this whole diary is too personal. No, my father is a good man, and he would never hurt any of us (beyond a well-deserved spanking when I was six or so). Can't say the same for his father.

Q: I just stumbled upon your journal tonight so I'm not sure, but I guess I'm curious as to where you go to college.

A: Well usually I'm kinda secretive about really personal details, because if you let enough things fall here and there, a truly determined person could garner enough information to be a nuisance (i.e. stalker). But just this once, I'll tell. St. Mary's University. Not going to say where.

Q: what is a beatnik?

A: Don't quote me on this, but I think it has something to do with Jack Kerouac. And sitting on street corners pondering the meaning of life when you have nothing better to do. And rarely cutting your hair.

Q: is DCMI gonna get published soon??

A: Doode. Talk about blast from the past. No, the publishers sent a very polite refusal about a year and a half ago. I've been re-working the ending off and on (mostly off), and do plan on giving it another go, now that I know what not to do.

Wow, no wonder interviews always make people sound like assholes. In this stiff question/answer format, I sound rather anal-retentive, too. And I never thought I was the asshole type.

Keydokey. Off to bed. (and just watch, tomorrow someone will fill out the survey and throw me a real stumper that I'll feel obligated to answer and we'll be back where we started.)

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