Feeling: Isolated
Listening to: Selena - I Could Fall in Love With You (it's in my head, anyway, I don't actually *have* it)
Reading/Watching: Hm. Me, I guess.

There are distinct drawbacks to having a single dorm room.

I'm sitting here and having severe alone problems. Usually I love being alone. It's introspective, it's calm, it works for me. Now I've crossed the boundary into lonely.

You know those nights where you want something desperately but you have no idea what that is? I hate them. I have them far too often for comfort.

Talking to Drew, he wanted to be drunk. I agreed, but why? What does that ever really accomplish? It makes things blurry. It makes me sleepy. The whole purpose of drinking is to enjoy your time with those around you. It's ten times more pathetic if you're trying to reclaim that happiness all alone.

Didn't stop me from wanting it.

I can't quite explain it. My hands just feel empty. My stomach feels heavy. Something deep in me keeps swelling bigger and if I don't let it out this desperate feeling might continue until I break from the inside out.

I'm not trying to be depressing, I promise, this is just me trying to rationalize this. I wanted to call someone and talk about stupid things, just to hear another voice and know somebody else out there was awake and alive and willing to spend a few minutes on me. The only people online were a long way away. Couldn't quite see myself explaining the monstrous phone bill. And I cringed at calling someone here and risking waking them up.

Now it's morning. I still have that feeling, but now I could feasibly call someone. Except I'm not sure who. How would I start the conversation? How pathetic would it seem to them, if I called out of nowhere and said "I'm lonely, tell me I'm wonderful"?

This isn't helping either. But anyone reading this, know you have the freedom to call me, anytime. Tell me you're lonely. And I'll tell you you're wonderful.

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