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We use up so much time deciding how things should be. Heh. I wonder if we ever got together, whether it'd be the funniest family reunion in the world.

For instance, I highly doubt anyone over the age of six (except for George Sr.) wants to outlaw the cultivation of broccoli. 7-Eleven owners would be very stressed if it became legal to have as much free Icee as you want, provided it all fits into one mouthful. No, Tiffany's would not want to loan out jewels a la "Pretty Woman" just because your girlfriend looks like Julia Roberts.

Abolishing the use of any currency and returning to the barter system would really suck for millionaires. (but might work out cool for bag ladies)

Making two women's public bathrooms for every one men's would only be fair in cross-dressing clubs. Selling designer clothing at the value price of the material only would result in new solid-gold-plate fashions. (Eeek, imagine the chafing...) Having mute buttons for babies would require that they pee on you to get your attention.

Whacking car company C.E.O.s over the head with marshmallows and yelling "Stop being a cheap-ass and build good cars!" wouldn't work... simply because most of them speak Japanese. (Same goes with asking our international creditors to have a Global Amnesty Day and maybe a picnic, just to eat hot dogs and talk reminiscently about them silly Reaganomics.)

Legalizing certain (or all) illegal drugs would just piss off the drug dealer who was saving up to buy his girlfriend a diamond-studded neck brace.

Canceling the use of political parties in elections would put many comedians out of work. Same goes for electing a president who is morally and intellectually sound. Cracking down on gangs and violent crime might very well mean a vast depletion of this country's rap music. (Rap music. Whew- talk about oxymoron.)

Okay, I'm pretty much out of material. :) If this was offensive and un-funny, I apologize. You should probably e-mail some of those aforesaid comedians before e-mailing me.

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