Feeling:
Listening to:
Reading/Watching:

You know that song that used to be on the radio? I don't know who sings it, or even what it's called, but the chorus goes, She's everything you want, she's everything you need, she's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. She says all the right things at exactly the right time, but she means nothing to you and you don't know why.

I think I'm that she. It's like an epidemic. All these lovely guy friends and they are perfectly friendly but I know I'm not the one they're looking for. Something in me is essentially missing, or I have too much of something, to be the one they want.

Not that I'm asking for people to be clawing for a chance at my company. I don't want to be a guy-magnet, I'd just like to match poles with a compatible fellow magnet.

I was pathetic enough to go down to the cafeteria in hopes that I'd see a certain someone there, and wound up running into a guy from one of my classes- he's recently changed his major, so I don't see him as much anymore, but he's the one who told me I was "very pretty" (look through old entries if you don't know that story... it was monumental to my little ugly-duckling world) and has since broken up with my friend.

He (let's call him the Drummer) saw me, said hi, I said hi back, went on with my purchase of a chocolate chip muffin, and found a table with the intention of quietly reading and evaluating some submissions to the school litmag while I waited for the someone (okay, so it was Charlie Brown) to show up.

Drummer came over asking, "mind if I sit with you?" So, since I didn't really mind much, I smiled and said sure, pushing my reading aside. I figured in that secret Soap-Opera-Villainess-Wannabe part of my brain that if CB did walk in, jealousy might be good for the soul.

I'm not positive, because I could be totally off-base about him, but going by some of the things Drummer Boy said, the way he said them, the way he kept looking into my eyes, the way he kept smiling, I think he likes me.

I'd been getting that vibe from him way back the first day of school when we were registering our schedules and wound up talking in line together and he was so... friendly. It continued the day I caught him staring at me several times in the course of an hour-long class. Not to mention the time we were riding back from volunteer work at the youth center and he spent the entire thirty-minute ride turned backwards, talking to me.

I was kinda confused when I found out he was dating my friend, actually. Not jealous, mind you, just confused. I thought I'd misread him.

Am I misreading him again? I don't think so- I really don't. He and I talked for half an hour in the cafeteria (mainly about relationships and music, actually) before I decided I wanted to get out of there (homework, the fact that CB hadn't showed, and the bad feeling I was getting at the base of my spine because of the look in Drummer's eyes) and left.

It'd be nice if I could like him, because he's sweet and I guess sorta cute, and he's apparently about as *experienced* as I am with the opposite sex, and he strikes me as the type who would never voluntarily hurt anyone. Plus he's nice to talk to, he has a nice smile, and he's just all-around nice.

Yeah. Exactly. Nice.

He's everything I want, he's everything I need... but he means nothing to me, and I don't know why.

Grr, and it's back to Dawson's-Creek-esque Land.

I just found out that the song is called "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon... yay for me. Just thought I'd let you know.

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