Feeling: severed
Listening to: Vertical Horizon - Fragments
Reading/Watching: --

I am moving everything I own from one place to another, and it's making me realize exactly how invested I was in this place, moving in here for an indefinite period of time, until now.

It's actually quite saddening, because I'm moving out just two months shy of living here three years. After four- or nine-month stints in dorm rooms, I found a more permanent place, and really sank my toes in. There are little snippets of my life everywhere, and it's like peeling off band-aids, every time I have to decide which memories to keep and which ones are most likely disposable.

I just... I grew up here. I was raised in Hometown, but I grew up here. I paid rent, I wrote out checks for utilities, I scrambled to make sure I could afford things, I stayed up sleepless hoping a check wouldn't clear until after my paycheck did, I bought flowers and hangings and pictures that no one liked but me, and I proudly put them on display, because it was my home. I slept in a bed far away from parents, siblings, or even RAs who could hold my hand and comfort me. I turned the music up loud, shut my door, and sang at the top of my lungs without worrying about who I was disturbing.

And I fell in love here. And I fell in lust here. And I completely lost my mind a few times, and screamed a few times, and cried (a lot more than a few times), and Let A Boy Into My Room here.

I'm sure the next place is going to be just as special, hold just as many priceless moments, and I'll be feeling just as severed once I leave it, but right now, I'm looking at the walls without my hangings on them anymore, and just thinking "I'm on every wall, in every corner. I could never actually leave."

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