Feeling: desperate
Listening to: Morrissey - Boxers
Reading/Watching: crap TV and crappy crappity crap

...conspicuous silence.

Yeah, I didn't get cast. Eh bien.

I started out the day with three voice lessons and choir practice to look forward to, but before 10 a.m. my first student called saying her son was sick and she needed to stay home to take care of him, so one down.

Then, a few hours later, the mom of one of my other students called saying, by the way, we're sorry we weren't there when you drove twenty minutes to give my daughter a voice lesson, we forgot it was Wednesday, and oh, she's in Florida this week, didn't she remember to tell you? Perhaps we should cancel her lessons until school starts, since her schedule will be so crazy until August... and that's two.

My third, the cute ten-year-old, called me shyly, saying her dad said he couldn't get out of work to take her home in time for her lesson, so instead of making up the lesson we missed Monday (rescheduled to today), we would just have to cancel entirely. Ta-da, we have a trifecta.

I didn't think it really bothered me that much, until I found myself folding laundry, and crying into a pile of freshly washed socks. Because you know what? That's eighty dollars. To a girl who averages about $600 a month, that's a crapload of money to lose in six hours' time. And it also meant I didn't leave the house at all, all day, but I also didn't get other things done, because I kept expecting I would need to leave for things that didn't actually happen. (And, for extra fun, since I didn't get a part in Comedy of Errors, I had many, many more evenings of having-no-reason-to-go-outside to look forward to.)

So when I finally left for choir practice, which is also now officially out for the rest of the summer, thus cutting down my income even further, it was like a vacation, just having an excuse to leave my living room.

And I know, I know. Poor little housewife, nothing to do, living off her husband's income, which is sufficient enough that she doesn't really need to work. Oh, what woes I must suffer. Life is truly hard, right? It makes me want to kick my own ass, which is why I also spent today turning in job applications to everyone-and-their-dog who would take them. I turned down jobs last summer because I wanted my students to be able to count on me, but today it became quite clear that I couldn't really count on them, so it's time to find other avenues.

I also went grocery shopping after choir, and spent $171 on food that should last us about a month, so that's good. The only problem was that I let my phone run out of battery, and mon coeur kept trying to call me and was a bit worried (I kind of didn't want to be found... I needed to just be away for a while, to get the moping out of my system). I think he was mollified when I came in the door with piles of food, including the pan dulce that he loves so ridiculously much. He'd eaten one before I finished unpacking the groceries.

But I am going to write. Dammit. I am going to pack up my little craptop and take it places, and sit and write because I need to. I need to.

So if anyone ever wants to hang out at a Starbucks, I will most likely already be in one most days, typingtypingtyping away.

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