Feeling: shattered
Listening to: --
Reading/Watching: Waitress

It's been a while. The heater broke. Had a very scary conversation on Christmas Eve with Sandman, who said something "wasn't perfect" between us but he couldn't explain what. Celebrated Christmas with my family. Finished the run of A Christmas Carol. Went to New York, and celebrated New Year's Eve in Times Square with no one to kiss at midnight. Came home, went back to work, thought things were better once I got back.

Yesterday Sandman broke it off. Said he loves me, I've done nothing wrong, but it's not perfect and he wants to avoid when things go wrong and we start fighting and end up hating each other.

I spent half the day curled up in a ball on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and bawling my eyes out. Hope and Matisse came over, tried to talk some sense into me. Hope even attempted to list his faults, and couldn't come up with any.

I spent the other half of the day frenetically busy, taking the Christmas decorations down, running laundry, stitching up the hole my dogs ripped in Sandman's comforter so I could give it back to him. I put everything of his in a basket, all his shaving stuff and his toothbrush and his clothes, his DVDs, his towel, and folded everything neatly and returned it to him today. Hope intended to take me out dancing and drinking tonight, but when she saw how little I've had to eat today she dragged me to Denny's to get food.

It makes no sense. The only thing "missing" is that he feels we shouldn't be together, and somehow I have to come to terms with this. But how do you come to terms with nothing?

Somehow I have to come out the other side. I don't want to stay broken for nearly as long. But... there are no words. There are a lot of tears, plenty of screaming, but no words.

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