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I used to wonder what would happen when I saw *him* again.

I'd wonder whether it would still make my heart leap, whether I'd feel angry or awkward, whether he'd avoid me or still paralyze me those eyes that used to send fluttering through my stomach. I even wondered, at first wistfully, and then fearfully, that my absence or renewed self-confidence or college-girl-mystery would make him want me back. I worried that somehow things would have to be different when I saw him again.

Especially since I get the feeling I've fallen for *his* friend. I can't quite avoid it and it feels like it might be a bad idea waiting to happen, but we connect too well for me to pretend it's not there. At least as far as I'm concerned- I never really know about Charlie Brown.

But I saw *him* again today. I walked in, met his eyes, and he grinned in welcome, and I watched him perform with the choir as they rehearsed their number for the concert tomorrow night. He was the same as always. Exactly the same. Confident despite his dorkiness (which I always loved), enthusiastic and upbeat when he needed to be, determined and serious when the time called for it. I used to love every piece of him with all of my being.

Now I watched him and realized how young he really is. I saw every flaw right alongside every strength. I was immune to the dormant magic of his eyes, but not indifferent to the warmth of his smile.

And before he left for his next class I felt confident enough in our friendship to say, "what, I haven't seen you in two months and I don't even get a hug?"

He still gives good hugs. The crease of his neck still smells like Ivory soap and something that's entirely him. But I didn't want to hold on this time. I didn't wish he'd keep me there and rock slowly back and forth like he used to. I just enjoyed the strong, genuine embrace that ended naturally and soon.

Now I just know I'm going to go crazy all over Charlie Brown. Memories of my blue-eyed movie buddy had held me back somewhat before, but now I know I truly am free, without jealousy or regret.

Oh, and by the way, I know why Schultz always drew Charlie Brown with just two little wisps of hair. Because if he'd given the boy a full head of hair, it would have been too darn sexy. :o� (Inside joke, I'm sorry.)

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