Feeling: musing
Listening to: Train - Something More
Reading/Watching: finished Breaking Dawn, and now I want to go back and re-read the whole thing

It's my last few days of summer, finally free of classes or exams or choir camps, just coaxing the sofa cushions into a mold of my butt print and enjoying the utter lassitude.

Outside, rain drums on the windows, alternating between sounding like popcorn and a herd of elephants running a marathon, with thunder to punctuate the delicious patter.

I am, of course, curled up with herbal tea and floppy PJs, contemplating chicken noodle soup for lunch, and aching for the days of autumn, which seem so far away but will probably zoom up and pass me while I'm wasting time blinking.

I used to spend these days in college doing homework in the dorm room, venturing out only for classes (and occasionally blowing them off, to be perfectly honest), wishing for someone special I could spend the lazy afternoon with. I would sit in my computer chair, watching sappy romantic comedies or playing on the internet, and imagine myself some sweet artistic boy who would squeeze onto my tiny twin bed with me, and kiss and kiss and kiss while the rain and thunder thrummed outside, wanting nothing more than gentle touch and body warmth to keep out the rain's chill.

Mon coeur knew about my fantasy, because I shared it with him when we were just good ol' buddies (heaven knows what thoughts ran through his head at those times), and we gave it a try, only to discover that eventually, your lips dry out and your mouth gets tired, and you settle into talking about nothing, and giggling over silly memories. Eventually, you roll away from each other because the warmth does build in such close quarters, and it's still Texas. And you lie side by side on your backs, staring at the ceiling, and start talking about things other than nothing.

It's how we once planned out the perfect dream house (with the unspoken, dangerous idea that it would be ours, together someday). It's how we worked out many dilemmas with work or friends or school, a tactical team lying there in a dim room with water percussion outside. It's how I finally admitted, one day while I was still recovering from my cyst surgery, that even though I had staunchly refused his discussion of marriage, insisting we were too young and I wouldn't even consider it... I didn't feel that way anymore. It's how he quietly took my hand again, and asked, "So what kind of ring do you want?" It's how I learned that it's not about the kissing (although that part is always nice).

The rain has a power to make us think outside ourselves, outside of what's happening today, or what we want to do tomorrow. It makes us lazy, too lazy to get up and make things happen in an immediate sense, which leaves us free to dream and plan. And that... that is my new favorite part.

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