Feeling: anticipatory
Listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Fear
Reading/Watching: Sword-Maker. Mmm, reading in bed.

Well, this is quiet. It's nice.

Yesterday, after my second all-nighter this week, I spent my time bustling around as usual (albeit at a slower pace), and made the discovery that my body only had enough energy to run one half of my brain at a time.

Half the time I walked around in brittle clarity, detached and assessive, unexcited about anything because emotions required too much forethought and would necessitate an active reaction that I didn't have the strength to muster. I couldn't laugh at jokes, I couldn't be sympathetic to people's bad days, I couldn't do anything but function on my most basic, robotic level in order to stay upright.

The other half of the time I was a bundle of nerves, no rational cognitive process whatsoever, oddly incensed by the slightest perceived insult and crushed by the most meagre of mistakes. I could do nothing but feel, and stumble, and be overwhelmed, and want to run away to hide and cry and oh yeah, sleep for eighty years.

Although I'm sure most people noticed no difference.

But today, I am an empty battery plugged to the wall. Nothing but PJs, rented DVDs, possibly popcorn and hot tea, grocery shopping later. A long day of nothings. When I am not up and racing through life, I wind up here: comatose.

It's really nice, today. I might even be recharged by nightfall.

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