Feeling: Musical
Listening to: Cornflake Girl... doing hand motions and singing harmony, too.
Reading/Watching: This feathery purple pen. I love you, Mr. Pen.

My first relationship is going to be a mess.

I have such issues with trusting someone not to despise me once (s)he gets to know me better. Every time a friend has a bad day, I instantly assume it's something to do with me. Particularly if (s)he doesn't feel like discussing it.

Plus, I'll be stumbling along like a blind newborn at first. I have all these instincts, these ideas of how I could take care of someone, let him take care of me, but in truth I'd be constantly doubting myself.

And him.

I think, however it happens, it's going to be a sort of mutual rescue. Not out of desperation, but the quiet kind. He'll need a girl with a deep heart. I'll need a boy with a clear head. (I went into detail once about exactly what I thought my soulmate would be like. It's odd, how many people could be believed to fit those characteristics. I thought I was being exact. But I never once mention clearheaded. I need someone who doesn't overreact. Because I do, and if we both do it'll never work.)

But I need someone I can rescue, so I can believe I'm needed. So I can be confident that he wants me there. And I sure as hell know I need rescuing.

I could never trust someone that couldn't do anything for me. Selfish, yes, but it has to be a mutual thing. For all that I talk about all I have to give... I want to be able to take. And not be thought less of.

End musing #231759 on Katie's Love Life.

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