Feeling: withdrawn
Listening to: Rachel Yamagata - Elephants
Reading/Watching: --

His certainty is almost annoying.

Because I have very little about anything, except that I am going to make it through whatever this becomes. I know what I would be leaving. I don't know what I would be embracing. If I knew that, perhaps it would make these pro/con lists more useful. Because right now, the future feels like this great big gaping hole. I have no idea what is going to happen, and that sort of thing is not something that sits well.

But I will not stay in a place that makes me unhappy out of fear. I will not stay for sake of comfort. I can't. I just wish I had a more solid something to head toward, other than the belief that it's got to be better than this.

It's got to be better than the shifting commentary I've had in my head, the description of my life slowly melting from "it's what I want" to "it's what I have" to "it's what I have left."

I don't want my life to be "what I have left." He deserves more than being reduced to that.

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