Feeling: torn
Listening to: Blue October - Independently Happy
Reading/Watching: Cube Route - Piers Anthony

Three gems that I read today, and just had to share:

"They passed the media laws: Do not attempt to think or depression may occur."

and...

"Reminder to self: Do not eat a 1/2 pound of olives the night before an interview again."

and...

"It appears I've been incubating a snot demon in my head for the past few days, and today was its glorious day of birth."

I love blogs. They keep me happy when all else is drear Mundania.

I am highly bipolar these past few days. Last night, I was in tears about how tired I was, how badly I wanted time to rest and relax, and how I couldn't possibly because everyone needed me everywhere for various reasons.

Today, I woke up fresh on a second wind, made it through eight hours at work, drove to rehearsal, and was high-voltage the entire time, even heading out for food with cast members afterward, and now dancing around in my chair with my "Everything" playlist at almost midnight, sleep far from my mind.

Mon coeur has been marvelously supportive through the lows, and equally peppy through the highs, but after last night's tantrum, he is getting sick of the way I do this to myself, and wants me to choose which two jobs I am going to keep. Only two.

And, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I turned and started defending how I could easily drop the two temporary ones (synagogue and subbing), but I needed to keep the other three, and I could still make it work. He came the closest he gets to an expressive eyeroll: on him, it's an ironic eyebrow. And repeated himself: "You are making yourself crazy. You are tired all the time. You are running everywhere every minute, and yet you don't want to give anything up."

"Well, things will calm down after the play is over."

But he had a point. There is always another play. There is always another something. And at this rate, graduate school will never be able to wedge an elbow in and make space for itself, even one class at a time.

So I am trying to decide between the church job, and my two remaining voice students. My husband thinks the decision is obvious, but naturally it's not so clear to me. I am, therefore, abstaining from a decision until after Christmas.

I have had a job at a church for the past four years, plus. I no longer remember what it's like to wake up on a Sunday morning and have nowhere to be. I haven't faithfully attended a church of my own choosing since I was in highschool (I was spotty when I first got to college, and then once I got the first church job I just stopped trying except on special occasions). The job seems extremely low-maintenance, since it's just a Sunday morning and a Wednesday night rehearsal, but you'd be amazed at how much it gets in the way.

On the other hand, it's singing. It's using my major. It's with a group of people I love (with the exception of the annoying director, but that is a very long, very off-topic story). And when I had just graduated college, trying to get my voice students up and running, my previous church job saved my ass and paid my rent for several months running.

Plus, I'm just very bad at quitting things. I'm very good at committing to them, and just dismal about letting them go. I suppose I need to re-learn how to get out of something when it's getting in the way of my sanity.

But again, I say let's wait to decide, and see how things look after Christmas.

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