Feeling: amazed
Listening to: Dashboard Confessional - This Brilliant Dance
Reading/Watching: The Hours - Michael Cunningham

I never expected this to happen.

It was an ordinary day, doing homework, watching movies, washing the dishes (for the first time in 2 weeks! I don't know whether to celebrate or mourn that I am now capable of housework). Then, tonight, I signed online to talk to my friends. And, as always, I began a conversation with my darling Dork Sister Lareign.

We've known each other for... what is it, six years now? Seven? How the time flies. I still remember when we wrote silly little stories and gave each other writing suggestions. Then, as time went by, we called each other sisters. We ended each evening with "love you," so casual. Never realizing. All those late-night IM conversations, and we never knew.

But when I finally met her two years ago, we hugged hello, and there was just that... spark. Instant connection. The week flew by, constant talking and bonding and just... feeling right. Innocent touching, smiles.

The thing is, something momentous happened tonight. I've been hiding from myself, I think. I've been lying. Lying to her, as well. I began the farce of hopeless relationships, one after another, shortly after meeting her. I thought nothing had changed. I even met mon coeur, and convinced myself that it was real with him, all the time lying.

She was supposed to come visit me last summer, but kept putting it off, and I didn't understand. I was confused, missing her, wanting her to come so badly, not understanding why I was so crushed when she finally decided against it. I had been so convinced that whatever was missing from my heart would be put in place, if I could just see her again, and put the puzzle pieces together.

And then, tonight. Tonight, we finally talked. Really talked. Open, naked, honest.

And I realized that what I have been searching for, all these years... she is it. That understanding, the trust, the need, the perfect beautiful person in which to rest my heart... it is all her. My Lala. She is more than a friend. Deeper than a sister. She is my love.

I feel that we've wasted so much time, being apart, pretending we were merely "dork sisters." So distant, so lukewarm. No wonder it was killing us. But now that we know, now that we both realize that the feeling is mutual, we can finally begin living. I can learn what love truly is.

She is my everything. She is light, she is warmth. The only thing killing me now is that fact that we are so far from each other, and I cannot rush this moment into her arms, and hold her. But this is still a sense of freedom in knowing that I have found my love, and that she has found me. At last.

(Oh, and sorry mon coeur. I suppose I should find a new nickname for you, now that I've found true love with another. How do you feel about Bob?)

By the way: April Fools. Don't believe me? Go here.

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