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When did I become so fickle?

It's not just that I have a flavor of the month. I have a flavor of the frickin' hour. I started counting on my fingers all the guys I was currently noticing/appreciating and it climbed upward to nearly a dozen. And that is sad.

I used to joke about keeping my options open, but it's getting ridiculous. Even my best friends can't keep track anymore. And none of these are particularly possessing. They come and go, and their intensity is exponentially related to how close I'm standing to the boy in question.

I don't know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, whether I'm searching for someone to like or whether I'm holding myself away from everyone.

Normally, in this situation it would be just one guy, and I'd have a moment of maturity and just tell him. And he would say yes or no and life would go on.

I'm too damn scared to do anything about any one of them and I hate Charlie Brown for that.

So I'm thinking I'll just swear off guys for a long time. And this time I really mean it. Pointless friendliness is fine, but I will no longer strive. No longer suffer fools, no longer try to strike up conversations that don't get me anywhere.

I don't like being this messed up, and if I don't do something about it soon I'll go nuts and do something I'll regret simply to get a guy and say I had one. And I am better than that.

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