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"There's not enough room in this world... I'm in love with your ghost." ~ Indigo Girls, "Ghost"

It's driving me crazy, how I can't get away from memories of him. His ghost hangs around my thoughts, making my him-shaped-hole sting. My room has pictures of Homecoming, the choir trip, and Prom everywhere, and I don't have the heart to take them down. Then there's the teddy bear he gave me, sitting at the foot of the bed. And the bed itself, where I wasted a lot of hours sitting and dreaming, and the phone that still has his number on the speed dial- Lucky #7.

So I get out of my room to get it off my mind. I stop listening to the CDs that have songs he used to sing to me. I even hop in my car and start driving. But the Houston highways take me to his neighborhood. It's a freakish habit. And driving with the Indigo Girls playing reminds me of getting lost with him on the way to the theater banquet.

It's ridiculous. I feel like such a drama queen, turning a simple one-sided crush-turned-friendship into an epic saga. A Greek tragedy. I need a life.

But who doesn't want their life to be interesting? Maybe I'm bad about making it melodramatic, but who wouldn't love a real-life movie sometime? They usually end happily- the boy gets the girl (or vice versa), everybody learns a little something, and it's a crazy ride until then. Am I a masochist, or doesn't everybody want that sometimes?

Oh well. Now's not the time to make my life into a story. I did that already, and even then I had to make up an ending. The only true-life movie I've ever seen is Welcome to the Dollhouse (oh my God, if you haven't seen that, watch it now, it's amazingly realistic and I identify with the main character so much it hurts) because things don't just end. There's no "end" in life. It just keeps going. Even with the end of someone's life, it goes on for everyone else.

I've completely lost my point. Anyhow. I need a change of scene. New room, new town, new people. That way I can wipe my heart clean and start over.

As long as I don't get hopeful about my budding friendship with his friend, the one person I know from Houston who's going to the same school.

Ugh, vicious cycle.

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