Feeling: Hrm. They've outlawed internet use at work.
Listening to: silence and technological buzz...
Reading/Watching: Briana. 'cause she's Bri.

I am hiding out.

Julia and I drove to Briana's for pizza and possibly a movie, but we wound up talking for too long (Bri was gushing over this guy... it's an entire story. I'll discuss later) and Julia didn't want to spend the night, so when we went at ten to rent a movie, she helped us pick, then drove back. I hate to say it, but I was kind of glad she left.

It's like this. Julia thought she and Bri weren't friends anymore for a long while. I didn't want this to be true (I think Julia had issues with Briana being rich, since she harped on the whole princess thing a bit too much), so I've tried to get the three of us together more often, and it's fun, but after seeing that Bri's changed since last spring, Julia still doesn't seem all that into her friendship. It bothers me, because she still seems to think Briana's childish and spoiled, and at times I get the feeling that she thinks the same of me.

Then last night, when the three of us were hanging out, Julia mentioned that our other roommate, Jenny, is having problems with me. She's been avoiding me, apparently.

This took me by surprise. Because I know Jenny and I have very different viewpoints and opinions sometimes, and it's hard to be friendly and compromise when we're so essentially different. I'm a bookworm, she's never really liked reading. She says she could never date a guy of another race, and my last several crushes have been on Hispanic men. She says she wouldn't adopt children if she had a biological child, and I'm willing to adopt a farm of 'em if my husband will let me. I'm a big traditionalist in terms of romance and soulmates, she's recently become engaged to her ex-boyfriend simply because he bought a ring (she might argue otherwise, but we had a lengthy discussion about that, how she dumped him because she wanted to be free and single, then decides to settle for him when he bought a huge 1.5 carat diamond). I think she believes that he's not bad for a first marriage, and that he could make her happy for a while. Grrrrr.

But I hadn't realized these differences of opinion were really a problem for her. It hasn't bothered me overly much, so why is it such a big deal to her? (But then, she does seem to get bothered by things much more easily than I do, which is another way we differ significantly.)

Then Julia told me that Jenny thinks I'm throwing my opinions in her face. When I'm saying my beliefs about getting married once, that I'm showing off my Leave-it-to-Beaver family and trying to put her down (even though I tried to compromise and told her that if she was happy, I was happy for her, and congratulations). That when I'm talking about books, using big words, reading, scribbling in my poetry notebook, or watching Bri's DVD of Pride and Prejudice, I'm bragging about how smart I am.

What the HELL?

This really hurt my feelings at first. I hate when someone dislikes me for something I can't control and didn't do intentionally.

I was glad when Julia left, and I stayed the night with Bri. Because even though I'm glad she told me, and it's good that I know so I can avoid stepping on toes in the future and just stay out of her way, I needed somebody like Briana to get severely pissed off on my behalf and protest hotly that it was "not your fault she feels insecure and pins it on you, it's her problem that she doesn't like to read and that doesn't make you a show-off for talking about it, and why the hell did Julia need to throw that in your face anyway... etc..."

We stayed up until 3 in the morning, watching crazy/beautiful and talking about everything. The roommate situation, Jane Austen, Winnie the Pooh, boys, Eddie Izzard, how she's entirely smitten with this new guy. Just hearing her talk about how happy she was with him brought tears to my eyes. I always get emotional in those situations. And she's letting me stay over until Sunday afternoon, so I can have some space from Julia and Jenny.

Though now that I'm away from Bri's confidence, I wonder. Have I been subconsciously bragging about being so into books and writing? I used to retreat into literature when I felt lonely or unwelcome. And it is awkward living in someone's living room. (Jenny was apparently expecting that I'd sleep there, but spend my days out with friends. Upon hearing that I thought, "Out... where?" I'm a homebody.)

So I feel unwanted. I'm not going to back down and let her get the best of me, though, so I intend to shake this and keep being my bookworm self.

Albeit a quieter one.

(Bookworms, unite! Leave a comment! We should start a petition...)

Comments? 4 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.