Feeling: whiny
Listening to: Default - All That She Wrote (it has ensnared me and I'm always singing it)
Reading/Watching: Fellowship

I'm not sure why I dislike updating after midnight so much (for all that I do it so often... I dare you to count the number of entries that I re-timed 11:59 p.m. so as to give the false sense of belonging to the day in which I'd lived).

It tends to discourage me from updating, and often I don't make time to organize my thoughts well enough for an update until after midnight, which is a cute little catch-22.

Tonight I came home from work aggravated (wow, really? so rare) and frustrated beyond the point of tears (I actually wanted to weep at one point, an hour before the end of my shift, and had my eyes fill and everything. I had to blink rapidly so that I could read my computer screen), and for once, Nimsay was there, newly returned from Spain, to receive the full brunt of my mundane work complaints, which until now have been given time to simmer and settle before being shared to the general populace.

But no, she got to see the full show, complete with me racing around the kitchen, trying to improvise some form of dinner, occasionally stopping in my tracks to whirl around to her and begin another thread in my unending bitch-fest, punctuated by fluctuating vocal pitch and much hand-waving. And then I calmed down and was able to talk like a sensible human being, after wailing out some stress-notes along with Amy Lee on "I Must Be Dreaming" (we're debating whether that song is old or very, very new. Any votes?), and settled down well enough to run the dishes, finish my laundry, and finally watch The Magdalene Sisters.

It boils down to this: I dislike when people are stupid, especially when I'm already well on my way to stressing out and placing odd demands on myself that no one else has given me, and the stupidness of people is preventing me from reaching those goals (it makes no sense, but believe me, the explanation-in-full makes even less). If I don't reach my weird little self-imposed standards, it means that surely, the entirety of my life is going to crumble at my feet, because what is life, without neurotic self-competition?

I also dislike when my parents call and decide it is time for my weekly lapful of cautionary tales, to the point where my dad has me backed into a corner and I have no reason whatsoever for why I can't wake up early tomorrow morning to get the slow leak in Luna's front tire looked at other than a simple, Because I'm twenty-two years old and I don't want to.

Again, I must remark on how amazing it is that I've managed thus far to juggle the daily battles of my car, my finances, my school, my job, and my life in general, without their constant supervision and blueprints. It's a wonder I don't just fall apart at the seams without my mother here to tell me when to go to sleep, and astounding that I'm capable of keeping gainfully employed without my dad's stream of helpful hints on how to get along in the workplace.

Meh. I am irritable and feeling cornered. Today was just a day for feeling small and stupid and young, I think, and tomorrow will surely be better.

Comments? 1 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.