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I'm one of those people that opens doors for people.

I let cars merge in front of me. When the teacher asks us to put the chairs back as they were, I stay and put them back as about half the class files out the door without pause. (I'm not making any judgments here, it's just an observation.) I lend $5 to a friend. If someone asks me to come to this or that, I show up.

It makes me wonder, though. There have been times I've felt annoyed because even though I put the chairs away, some people ignore everyone else and leave as if they're in some huge hurry. I wonder why I don't do it, too.

And I wonder, if I wasn't the girl who showed up, who opened doors, who waited in line, would I still be essentially the same person? Are we truly defined by the little things we do- things like that?

If I didn't, I might just be on time to class more often. I might just have more time to write poetry. I might not be short on money when it's laundry day. Or I might be different. I might be sharper, harder. Somehow not me.

I like to believe that who we are is defined in what we do. I'm not going to start talking in axioms here, I'm just saying. It's not each individual act. It's all of them put together.

So what's the deal with loaning five bucks? It's not even a whole movie ticket (not anymore, anyway... grr). Why do some people refuse to let anyone into the line of traffic? Why do people pretend that putting away chairs is going to severely affect their lock-step schedule?

I guess it's because some people are afraid to go too far. There are times I'll feel myself slipping past the comfort zone and thinking "I wish I didn't have to do this, but I don't want to be mean." I start feeling like a piece of Kleenex.

But you know what? That worry, that fear that people will judge me, is just Desmond talking. Forget him. I'm a nice person because it makes me happy to be nice, and when I find myself going too far, I'll stop. Think how cool it'd be if no one ever cut in line, but everyone opened someone else's door once a day.

::Cue happy music:: Today was an abysmal day. But I'm not going to go into it. No, no, no.

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