Feeling: basic
Listening to: Lareign's mix CD
Reading/Watching: Without You, by Anthony Rapp

This past week has been overwhelming. For a vacation, there was a hell of a lot going on.

Key points involved finding a lawyer, finding a place to live, and getting the names of other counselors to see when it became clear that this one is not working out. That, and running to Hometown to hide when the very sight of my apartment was driving me insane.

And I had a lot of revelatory moments. That moment of relief when I got off the phone with someone who could actually help me, offering legal ability instead of offering a sympathetic ear and lots of platitudes.

That moment of "home" when I stepped in the front door of a rental property and could see exactly where my posters were going to go.

That moment of shock when my mother pulled me against her like I was four years old, and let me cry myself into hiccups, saying "You're still my daughter. And it's time you valued yourself more."

That moment of grief when I said goodbye to a friend again, only this time to keep myself safe from the fallout of an entirely different kind.

I have been broken down into the most essential elements this week, and they are not very pretty sometimes (apologies to Matisse, who bore the brunt of some remarkably bad moods). But they can't be cracked any further. What's left will not be dissolved or worn away, even as I add back on the lacquer and shine of adulthood and twist my smile into place.

Because legal things are getting started, I can't exactly discuss them here. I hope you understand why. Just take comfort that they have started, and if you really need to know, you probably know me well enough by now to contact me by other means. I'm always up for a phone call.

In the meantime, diaryland will be a shallow reflection of my job, funny stories, and occasional narcissistic poetry. None of it will be honest or meaningful, none of it will be real. But it will be what I have to offer.

For now.

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