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Magnetic Poetry. Eeefunfun. :) I love it. I bought some last Thursday, and have spent hours over the past week just enjoying myself with those cute little magnet thingies. Want to read some of my phrases? I feel they're highly indicative of my state of mind.

"I like him less and love him still more every day, like delirious chocolate."

"He is not a crush; he is under my skin. But why, one asks? I do not yet recall."

"I may be ugly sometimes, but I am a music goddess."

"It's not about pant size (or so we think)."

"You are some lazy fluff-head, honey."

"He worships my whisper, the hairy drunk."

"Men cry like girls if you heave raw sausages on their bare feet."

"I want a luscious iron-butted gardening man."

And one entire Saturday afternoon was spent constructing something I'll probably quote to myself and all my other sub-confident dork friends for years to come:

"Please, sad friend,
Sweet peach beauty--
Soar with me together.
Leave the symphony of bitter moaning,
Dream those behind who blue your stare
(blacker in the white light of the sun).
Never let the rain beat your will.
We could shine pink in our
Lake of storming purple shadows,
and swim away."

It's pretty bad poetry, but it speaks to me. And it's not bad for a poetry set that didn't have a single magnet for the word "ever."

Several of my friends are going through the same thing with me, and I told Ethel, "You're not wrong for wanting him, he's just wrong for not wanting you." Now if only I could believe my own words.

I've taken to praying. "Please, God, if he's only going to make me feel worse and drift waiting for months, let me get over him quickly. But if something is going to happen with him, let it happen, and let me feel it."

Let it happen. Because I need to decide if this whole thing is because I want *this* boy, or because I want *a* boy.

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