Feeling: useful
Listening to: Loudon Wainwright - Pretty Good Day
Reading/Watching: Criminal... Diego Luna = mm.

Did you know that if you throw a big empty wine bottle into a dumpster, it will not shatter as you expected, but instead make a BANG like a gunshot?

If I'd had any urine in my system, any at all, I'd have piddled in my pants like a neurotic preschooler. Guess I wasn't meant for life in the 'hood, after all.

I still don't really know what to do with myself, but today I gave two voice lessons, bought $50 worth of music books (hey, at least it's tax deductible), and cleaned the apartment a bit.

So I'm not entirely worthless.

Teaching buoys me into the realm of useful, actually. I'm starting to see myself through my students' eyes, because of the things they say, the way they receive my advice.

Instead of looking at me dubiously, furrowing their brows and thinking, "I'm paying thirty bucks an hour for this?" they nod, and listen, and laugh at my jokes, and pretend I am the smartest person in the history of music, and they don't call me a faker. (I know I am, but I don't tell.)

You'd think I actually knew what I was doing. It feels almost unethical, taking their money when all I'm doing is playing music and listening to people sing and helping them fix their problems, i.e. all the things I did for free while in school. But they want to give me money, and I want to receive it, so everybody wins.

Although you still can't tell that to the credit card companies... "self-employed" is not a word they like to hear, especially when I've paid up-front for everything my entire life. To be permitted to borrow money, you must first have borrowed money before. Except they call it "insufficient credit history."

Sigh.

And I spend so much time with The Boy, you'd think I was trying to use him up completely. But that's a whole other story (and possibly a private entry in our maudlin future).

Comments? 1 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.