Feeling: Pessimistic. and it's *good*.
Listening to: Staind- Epiphany
Reading/Watching: not reading: singing.

Okay, let me explain something about myself (and probably everyone else on the planet).

Some people just have push-buttons, sore points. There are some subjects where, no matter how optimistic you are, no matter how nicely you put it, mentioning that sore point will just get you clobbered.

Think about it. What's yours? You could be the most easygoing person on earth, but if someone calls you a certain name, or accuses you of being a certain way (even teasingly), it can still sting.

Me, I'm pretty able to take an insult, provided it's aimed at something I'm secure with. I used to be very sensitive as a little kid, which was of course why I got picked on a lot, and as a result I toughened up over the years. You can say I'm stupid, I'm weak, I'm rude, I'm clumsy, I'm lazy, I'm snobby, I'm careless, I'm naive, I'm aloof (haha, Dom). I can handle it, because I either know it to be true or false, and I don't need your input to believe that.

However, if someone calls me ugly, I shrivel up. Even if it's a close friend, and they're just joking, I smile and laugh uneasily and worry about it later. It's just hard to shake, after so long. Not sure if I heard it too often from other people, or from myself, but it's my push-button.

I am also sensitive when people joke about my inability to attract other people, obviously. Ugly, ergo unattractive, yes? So if you think it's funny to talk about how I can't get a date, forgive me if I don't laugh (Drew).

In that vein, please stop being so optimistic about how I will get a date. Just don't come near the push-button. I don't want to talk about it. There are some situations where hope can only make things worse. With me, hope begets expectation. The reason I have hope is because I expect, to a reasonable extent, that something is going to happen eventually.

I'm an optimist, and if something good seems conceivable, then yes, I have hope, and thereby (especially if I really want it to happen), expectation.

This is not a good time for me to expect things. Hope cannot accomplish anything in this case, except delusion. Let me be a pessimist, and let me move on. If the situation changes, he knows where to find me.

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