Feeling: female
Listening to: Jeff- "Lost Highway"
Reading/Watching: Puppy. Missed him.

I started writing something deep and reflective before going back over it and realizing I hated it.

When did I get this pompous? I sit up on this little box and pontificate and I know you people skim over it anyway.

I am home. Puppy and I went to rent movies. We got Monster's Ball, Spy Games, and The Others. He liked The Others almost as much as I did, though of course, he guessed the ending about halfway through it, which is irritating. Not sure if I like being related to him, because people inevitably look from him to me and wonder how the hell that happened.

It was uncomfortable watching Monster's Ball with him. I know he's very mature, and he can handle it, but there are some graphic scenes. Blonde hooker, Halle Berry, anal exploration (not all at once, and not in that order). It's meant to look dirty; it succeeds. And they last long enough to make me squirm.

Plus, I wonder what he's thinking, watching this movie with his big sister in the room.

I know for a fact that most people who know me would rather not connect me with the concept of sex (I'm more frank about the fact that everybody does it, but that's just because I'm oblivious enough to say what most people have too much tact to mention). I'm like a nun, a child, someone's mother. Particularly to people of the masculine persuasion (hence my dilemma, but I digress). I say a cussword and people cringe or laugh. I'm like everyone's sister, unblemished by anything beyond PG.

Living in this skin, I know differently, but then I'm just being dense and obvious by pointing that out.

It was just strange. The movie is so frank, spare on words, that you can't laugh it off or get up to fetch a drink of water. We both sat there like it was a traffic accident, eyes straight ahead, trying to pretend the other wasn't there. Definitely didn't chat about it afterward, though we gabbed over the excerpted scenes and 'making of' sequences.

I wonder. Does that ever change? And will it ever change between me and anyone, or will I be a sister forever?

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