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I think the DiaryLand clock is severely messed up... it's like, 10:45 in the morning here, and the clock reads 2:43 p.m.

But anyway. In other news. Don't accept babysitting jobs instantly, no matter how much the parents have paid in the past. Your boyfriend just might call less than ten minutes later offering a group party at a water park for someone's birthday... sigh. So yes, today I am baby-sitting from 4 to 12 (what am I, reverting back to junior high?) for yet another family, instead of going to music practice at church (I can definitely handle that much easier than missing time with *him*), and instead of going to a water park at about ten this morning to celebrate a mutual friend's birthday and spend fun time in the water with *him*. (Scary, I've read so many teen magazines, I was thisclose to calling him "my honey". ::shudder::)

I dared myself not to cling, and to let the days pass- let him miss me. He did. When he called he had that soft, shy tone (we're both so tongue-tied on the phone; it's ridiculous in comparison to how much we can talk face to face. And maybe part of the reason we're better face to face is because the quiet moments can disappear in lovely eye-gazing-trances. But anyway) and he asked me what I was doing tomorrow (today). Ugh, what a rueful moment that was.

But hey... this is a major milestone. I hadn't even thought about it. This is the first time he volunteered an outing together!!! Yes, this is truly worthy of 3 whole exclamation points- don't gimme any lip. Before it was always either me suggesting and him agreeing, me inviting and him coming along, or one of those "What do you want to do?" - "I dunno, what do you want to do?" moments.

But he has officially taken the initiative! Yay! Grr. Abrupt fall back to earth- You have to babysit, moronic girl. His first foray into asking-on-a-date, and you TURNED HIM DOWN. That makes me feel so... special. ::grimace::

So I'll be thinking (and probably weeping inside) about this all day. Playing hide-and-seek with the two little blonde munchkins, it'll be like, "Oh, hello, Blue Eyes, you're haunting my thoughts again?"

And meanwhile he'll be coasting down the Three Hydras in his cute little swimming trunks. ::sigh:: What a waste of good quality time... in swimsuits, too.

::sniffle:: I will survive. Really. I'll be my typical optimistic self- instead of spending great quantities of money on overpriced food and earning myself a livid sunburn, I'll be making money and watching movies with two sweetheart girls... all night.

Optimism, optimism!

And at least he asked, instead of assuming I didn't want to come, or feeling uncomfortable about the whole swimsuit thing (the first time we shared a beach, we were both rather shy), and maybe this means he'll do more of the asking later on... or maybe he'll take it to mean that every time he asks I won't be available.

Optimism, optimism!

And maybe my being absent will just make him think about me more, and even pine a little... the way I do.

Optimism sucks. I want *him* instead.

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