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It's been a surreal day.

I went to a job interview, and it looked good... I may become an employee at Pappasito's. Or Bennigan's. I don't know- I look sorta Irish, with my curly hair and pale skin, so maybe Benny's'd be better, but then I bet Pappasito's pays more.

I came out of my last interview and was going to celebrate by going to Chik-Fil-A b/c I was starving (hadn't eaten in six hours).

Only I couldn't make a left turn across the six-lane road (I hate that road) so I went right instead and thought I'd hook a U-turn, cursing the heavy traffic.

But everything happens for a reason. By the time I reached a left turn lane, I saw this black man on a road divider with a sign asking for help, standing on one foot (the other cut off at the shin) and a cane.

I thought about it for a second, then rolled down the window at a stoplight to offer him some money, but he was hobbling away toward someone who tossed a couple quarters on the pavement.

So when the light turned green, I took a U turn instead, and he saw me come back, and then I gave him five dollars.

He said "Oh my God, thank you ma'am" and grinned and maybe I was imagining it, but his eyes looked shiny.

It wasn't entirely charity on my part, because the look on his face made me feel really good. I got a buzz off that, and didn't need a chicken sandwich anymore to celebrate my possible job-finding victory. Call it a five-dollar diet investment, instead.

I got home and got online and four of the Dorks were on so we tried to make a private chat, only Gladys didn't want to come, and when we asked why she said "read the e-mail" and then my mailbox chirped.

I read it, it seemed a little darker than usual, but her life's been kinda tumultuous this year since we're both graduating in a way, so I thought it was just a bad day. So I convinced her to come in the chat and promised we wouldn't be too goofy (b/c we're usually crazy, which can be hard to take when you're upset) and when she came in she said one of her online friends had committed suicide yesterday.

She knew b/c she also talked to the girl's best friend, and the best friend said she took 8 sleeping pills and they turned off the life support this morning. She was 15. Gladys was totally in shock.

I was crying, I don't know about the other girls, but I was... remembering a long time ago. An online friend of mine became depressed and one night started talking about how she was going to commit suicide, and I spent hours trying to change her mind until she said "goodbye" and signed off. I cried for hours that night. The memory alone brought tears to my eyes.

What is it with suicide? Last year my entire school went reeling from the suicide of a senior who hung out with the drug crowd. You can read about it in my short story "To John." Why do people think suicide is an answer? There's always tomorrow. Life goes on. Good days will eventually come if you keep fighting.

And suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do to their friends and family. Because the true punishment is not to yourself, but to those that love you, and don't think there aren't any of those. Why would anyone want to do that to the people they care about?

I'm going to shut up now because I'm incapable of objectivity at this point. Good night.

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